I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
