she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
