Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Randomize
