Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
