I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
