There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
