His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
