If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
