If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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