Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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