just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
