she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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