i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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