You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
