First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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