I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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