i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
