I molested 6 butterflies tonight
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
