I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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