There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
