Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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