her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
