I love black thongs
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
