he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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