We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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