Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
