New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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