He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
it's like heaven, but drunker
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
