I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
