Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
