I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
