so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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