dude i'm inner monologue high
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
