I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Everyone says I win the strip club
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