If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
