he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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