I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
