Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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