Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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