Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
