P.S. I can't hear my feet
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
