so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
