They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
