she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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