I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
