I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
