dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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