i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
