This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
operation have a gay friend backfired
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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