Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
