hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
