thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
