What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
