I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
